28 weeks of pregnancy – Still My Son

7/20/17

So today I decided to take all the tags off your new clothes to wash them next week when my mom is here. She’s going to bring some hand me downs from your cousin Leandro so I’ll wash everything all at once. I filled a whole basket with your new clothes. I was surprised how much you have. A lot of it I bought early on when I was excited about being pregnant but worried because it was too soon to feel movements. So I shopped whenever I was starting to worry to try to bond with you and collected a lot of cute onesies I found on sale. It felt like a big step to cut the tags. But I feel it’s the right time and I want to get prepared for when you are here. I have anxiety that it could be sooner than full term because we lost your brother at 32 weeks. But today we did another NST and you were very active and your heartbeat was strong and normal so we only had to stay 30 minutes. The nurse said you were doing everything she wants a baby to do. So I do feel a little more reassured tonight as you wiggle in my tummy before bed. Love you so much, even when you’re making it hard to sleep. Your family is so excited to meet you. Naomi can’t wait to hold you and help me push you along in the stroller! She’s going to be a great big sister!

Unless you’re a loss parent, you may not be able to understand the significance of this moment. It means finally letting your guard down a little and allowing yourself to believe your baby may actually make it home to be able to wear these new clothes one day. You’re basically taking a risk cutting those tags and telling yourself you won’t have to return them.

Naomi having snacks while she waits for mommy’s NST to be over. She went to most of our appointments and was such a good, patient girl, as long as she had something to eat! Though NST’s made me nervous, they also gave us some reassurance that for at least that moment our son was still ok.

This was the most heightened time for our anxiety as we approached 32 weeks (the gestation we lost our son Owen)

7/21/17

Took a trip to Target to get Jackson’s rainbow shirt and a few other missing baby essentials. Glad they have electric carts here, so I wasn’t breaking my bedrest too much. Exciting to feel a little more prepared for my boy to hopefully come home this time.

If you were PAL in 2017, you most likely ran to Target to get this rainbow onesie! It was the most shared find on IG, we all had to have it! Even though I was on bedrest, I had permission to take short trips when necessary & this for me was a must for my boy.

My sweet girl in her big sister shirt proudly holding her second little brother’s matching outfit.

Some of the items I bought at Target for our rainbow. This was so different than Owen’s pregnancy when I didn’t buy him much because I felt he could just use Naomi’s gender neutral hand me downs. I wanted it to feel real that Jax would get to come home, even if it was a risk to buy him more clothes of his own.

This is bedrest at home. Tray full of snacks, so I could watch a movie with my girl and not get up at all. Not the way most imagine spending their pregnancy, but the 17 weeks of bedrest, though quite trying, were worth our little boy’s safe arrival.

7/23/17

Just lounging in my bathing suit to cool off after working in the garage this morning to sort out the baby things we had from when Naomi was a baby. It was so hot, my face was red so I’m drinking water and relaxing on the couch for a bit while daddy finishes up organizing the bins in the garage. We have so much baby stuff! Now we have to wash everything when my mom gets here and figure out where to put everything inside. Feeling good about getting ready for you baby. You just kicked as I took this pic! Love you Jax!