Pushing to end preventable stillbirth in memory of Owen Nathaniel Vick

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high risk pregnancy

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Hiccups, & luckily no hiccups with our pregnancy! (PAL Journal: 26 Weeks)

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7/1/17 (26 weeks 4 days)

Started feeling your hiccups this week! Apparently this is the time in development for that, so I’m happy you are showing signs of doing well. (*Remember when you’re counting kicks that hiccups do NOT count as a movement as it is an involuntary reflex! Also if you’re experiencing an abnormal amount, like any change, please report to your doctor ASAP to have their umbilical cord flow checked; some research suggests this could be a sign of cord compressions, though not always the case.)

7/3/11 (26 weeks 6 days)

We saw my doctor at his other office. Not sure if it’s because he just got back from a week off or because Naomi came, but he seemed more relaxed (rested?) and happy to see us. Naomi gave him a high five and then he offered her a hug so I also gave him a hug. It was nice because I feel he cares about our little family. And when he asked how many weeks we all sort of had a little celebratory “woohoo that’s great” type moment. He even mentioned he’d give me permission to go out to dinner and movie in a couple weeks if I wanted to, he just wants to get me past 28/29 weeks.

Should get my urine culture results in a few days, but I do worry about every little thing especially not having a cause for our loss. I guess anything could’ve been the reason so that’s why I worry when anything at all seems abnormal.

He didn’t do measurements he said because he measured last time and baby Jax was on track, but he said everything looked good after quickly scanning him so I feel somewhat ok. Still a bit concerned about my GBS, but I’m just glad we knew early so I could be set on my birth plan to have a c-section and get the antibiotics prior to delivery. I don’t want any issues with that.

Overall, it was a good apt. though since Baby Jax is doing well. No pics today, boo! But my cervix is fine and Doctor said baby looks good. ☺️

Picking up lunch in Westwood with Grandpa after our long appointment
Bonding with Jax on the 4th of July, stuck at home (#bedrestproblems). I often talked to him like he was already here. Trying to connect with him as a paid attention to his movements.

*These old memories from my pregnancy app journal are fun to look back at now that Jackson is here safe and sound (he turned 8 this year). At that time I was still TERRIFIED! But I was trying to remain optimistic and not give in to my very valid fears. I encourage anyone else Pregnant After Loss to try to journal your experience and take as many photos and videos as you can. It helped me to get my emotions out but also I knew that after (no matter the outcome) I would be grateful for these memories I preserved.

More Bedrest Adjustments For Our Baby’s Safety (PAL Journal: 22 Weeks)

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5/30/17 (22 weeks)

Our sweet baby boy. We love your cute little face. Daddy was watching the ultrasound on FaceTime from work and the doctor kept pointing out your little winky, saying it’s a boy. Ha. I guess he thinks daddy wants you to be a boy and truthfully that makes daddy happy, but no matter your gender, daddy and I will be so thankful to have you! So glad you’re doing ok in there. Now we just need you to keep growing strong and healthy!

This week was a time of getting used to bedrest. The first week was a bit rough since I’m not used to laying around so much and having others do things for me. But now I get up a little more for a bite from the kitchen and have a bed in the office so I’m a bit more comfortable.

I stopped wearing the awfully hot and uncomfortable compression tights last week as the nurse said getting up to use the use the bathroom was enough circulation. We had dinner on Sunday for my dad and my bday and enjoyed my favorite meal, mom’s quiche.

Naomi has been struggling with me being unable to take her to and from school but I got her the Barbie with a bike she’s been wishing for because of her bravery while I was at the hospital and keep reminding her we’re doing this so baby brother can be healthy. I know it’s hard for her to have other people taking care of her and driving her to school as she’s used to me doing it, but we all are having to make sacrifices for this baby we all want so much.

This detailed schedule is what I gave my mom so she could take over with all of Naomi’s activities since I could no longer take here or pick her up. It was crazy! Thankful for my mom’s ability to fill in.

Our cerclage surgery follow up apt went great! Daddy was unable to take me as he had to work later, so we had a scary ride with mom driving us. She’s not used to van or the LA traffic!

Thankfully though the check-up on me and baby Jax went well. We saw his face a little clearer and watched him move his arm around. With another appointment behind us, I feel more hopeful that our little boy is going to be ok.

I finished crocheting his rainbow trapper beanie and a few things for the sprinkle.

Also printed out the pics of the pregnancy so far to hang on an old vintage looking door we got on FB to display at the shower. Tami also offered to give us her baby carseat and Mamaroo to use, which will save us more money on big item purchases. I feel so thankful and blessed knowing everyone loves Jax as much as us. Another week closer! 🙏🏼

Incompetent Cervix Fears & Hopes (PAL Journal: 21 Weeks)

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5/23/17

This week was all about bedrest. Figuring out how to do it and getting used to it. After the cerclage surgery I was told to be on bedrest with bathroom privileges. Thankfully my pregnancy body pillow arrived the day after I got home as it’s made laying around a little more comfortable. Also the nurse said I didn’t have to wear these uncomfortable and hot compression tights the hospital gave me because I was getting some circulation walking to and from the bathroom.

Note: Doppler was only to ease my mind in between kick counting and appointments, but never to be used for reassurance. If you notice a change in movement, always go in to get checked! The heartbeat is the last to go.

5/24/17 (21 weeks 1 day)

End of the 20th wk! Wow, this one was a hard one. Pretty much was smooth sailing but then we went in for our 20 wk anatomy scan (see previous post). We had the usual fears but it seemed to be going well. All of Jax’s measurements were normal, but then the doctor tried to measure my cervix. After switching to a transvaginal ultrasound I asked if my cervix was short (something I had heard about but didn’t necessarily think it would happen to us) and he said it was (2.2-2.4 cm). Scared out of my mind, he said to get dressed and he’d come discuss the options: Progesterone shots (didn’t think that’d work for us since mine was already getting short and that’s used more to prevent it when you have prior incidents of IC or catch it around 14 weeks), termination (not at all an option we would ever consider), and cerclage (75% effective, but in his opinion the best chance for saving the baby). So of course we went with the last option and booked my surgery for Saturday morning.

I spent the next two days on bed rest at home and had a friend take Naomi to and from school. Good thing we decided to do that despite the doctor not requiring it because my cervix shortened to 2 cm and was 1 cm dilated by the surgery time. We had a wonderful nurse Juliet who prepped me for surgery with a kind and reassuring anesthesiologist Dr. Hong. I prayed so much for my son’s life. During the 15 minute surgery I didn’t stop praying and asking God to work a miracle through Doctor Tabsh’s hands. That they were His hands, not the Doctors (because humans are imperfect but God could make sure the surgery was successful). Thankfully the Shridokar transvaginal cerclage surgery went well and the cervix length was lengthened to 3 cm.

Recovery was very painful, meds didn’t seem to work. But they said in 24 hours the pain would be a lot less, which was true. By day two I didn’t need the meds after the morning dosage. However that early morning I noticed some wetness and pointed out the discharge to the nurse. She said it had some blood and could be amniotic fluid. We tested positive but they said it could be a false positive. Again totally not what we were expecting and we were so afraid that after all that our baby was still going to come. As we waited for Doctor to come in to check on me (was supposed to be early morning but ended up being 5 pm), we prayed constantly and had many people praying for us. I was watching Hillsong United and the pastor said to write down your goals and prayers specifically. So I did – I declared Jax’s amniotic fluid did not break, he would come to full term and be born healthy, we would Baptize him, we would raise him with our daughter and so on. Then I refused to listen to anyone who said otherwise. By a miracle of God the doctor said it was not amniotic fluid and we asked for an ultrasound to confirm, which he did for us and everything was fine. Stitch looked good on my cervix and there was no fluid in the vaginal area leaking from the sack. I have never felt so happy and relieved in my life! Since that moment, the weight of all the fear of this pregnancy that I’ve been carrying around was lifted. I now knew God’s promise was to help our son live and was so grateful as I walked in the door from the car that I was home that Sunday night with our baby still with us. I cried so many tears of gratitude and held onto hope.

Also since this happened, my mom and dad came to take care of Naomi for us and my mom is staying for weeks. Many of my friends have come by for a visit bringing flowers and food. My Real Life church mom group coordinated a dinner train and have been blessing us with meals all week and next week. Before this I was feeling so alone and like I had no support but God showed me that I have a village ready to help if I am willing to accept it and that many people are so happy for us and eager to meet our son. I will never forget how wonderful they have all been and how God has restored my faith that He can do all things, even in moments when it seems impossible, because He does the impossible! He is a miracle worker and the birth of my son at full term will be a testimony to His greatness.