This week I dreamt about being pregnant for the first time. I was at the hospital and a doctor came in to see me, but couldn’t find my chart. I told her I wasn’t in my room. It seemed I had been there for a while and was just wandering around passing the time. Suddenly I felt like my water had broken and I told her to look at my stomach because you could see Jax’s little fist pushing out in my stomach and I said he must be ready to come out. He apparently had kicked so hard her broke my water. Next thing you know I was with my family lighting candles for the baby and they looked like day of the dead sugar skulls. The big one was for Owen and it was burning like a sparkler. I wanted to take a picture, but everyone kept blowing theirs out before I could. I kept relighting them and asked Karen to pray for the baby. She was complaining that she doesn’t usually pray aloud. I then tried to get us all together for a picture (it seemed like we were all sitting in a long van). Aunt Donna was in the back with Naomi and I asked her to sit on the side because she was holding a big bouquet of balloons that were blocking Naomi. Finally Josh came in but was in front of everyone and I was getting flustered and said ok sit down lower let’s get this picture so I can go have this baby now. Then I woke up!
I’ve been having anxiety over my water breaking and having to rush to the hospital to deliver before my c section so I imagine that’s what this dream was about. My night sleep has been very disrupted and difficult as I worry most at nights and wake up freaking out to check that Jax is still ok. I wake him up often to make sure. It’s so hard but I’m trying to trust and have faith that everything’s going to be ok. I’m keeping myself busy with any last minute errands I can do. Just praying the next 16 days fly by and we can hold our healthy little baby soon!
Just woke up feeling like I was about to lose my plug or water was breaking. I was so freaked out. I hurried to the bathroom, but there was nothing coming out at all. I peed then laid down only to feel my stress level rising wondering if Jax was okay and trying to wake him up by gently squeezing my belly until he moved. Poor baby, he was surely asleep, but like a good boy woke up and gave me a few reassuring movements. I’m up like this every night, almost every hour or two. It’s horrible because I can’t handle the fear at night. During the day I can keep track of his movements and thus do not worry as much, but at night the minute I realize I’m asleep and I wake back up the dread strikes me again until I feel him move. I wish my doctor would deliver Jax now. I know he’s healthy and strong and I feel he’ll do just fine if he is delivered early, but I can’t say I feel confident he’ll be okay if we keep waiting for the c section date they gave us (9/23). Either I want him delivered ASAP or to be kept at the hospital to be monitored until they do. I just can’t keep carrying all this responsibility on my shoulders myself. It’s so scary because Owen was fine one moment and then he wasn’t, so I get so worried I may miss the moment when Jax may need to come out like his brother. I would hate to be kept in the hospital for a long time because then Naomi will miss me, but her dad and Aunt Donna are able to take care of her and I think we need this for my sanity and to keep Jax safe. I’m going to call tomorrow to try to see what the doctor will do for us. It’s just too much for me now and I’m sure it’s not healthy for Jax either to be constantly feeling my stress and be woken up all night. Praying he will be okay until we can deliver him. All I want is my healthy baby boy in my arms, alive and well.