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More Bedrest Adjustments For Our Baby’s Safety (PAL Journal: 22 Weeks)

5/30/17 (22 weeks)

Our sweet baby boy. We love your cute little face. Daddy was watching the ultrasound on FaceTime from work and the doctor kept pointing out your little winky, saying it’s a boy. Ha. I guess he thinks daddy wants you to be a boy and truthfully that makes daddy happy, but no matter your gender, daddy and I will be so thankful to have you! So glad you’re doing ok in there. Now we just need you to keep growing strong and healthy!

This week was a time of getting used to bedrest. The first week was a bit rough since I’m not used to laying around so much and having others do things for me. But now I get up a little more for a bite from the kitchen and have a bed in the office so I’m a bit more comfortable.

I stopped wearing the awfully hot and uncomfortable compression tights last week as the nurse said getting up to use the use the bathroom was enough circulation. We had dinner on Sunday for my dad and my bday and enjoyed my favorite meal, mom’s quiche.

Naomi has been struggling with me being unable to take her to and from school but I got her the Barbie with a bike she’s been wishing for because of her bravery while I was at the hospital and keep reminding her we’re doing this so baby brother can be healthy. I know it’s hard for her to have other people taking care of her and driving her to school as she’s used to me doing it, but we all are having to make sacrifices for this baby we all want so much.

This detailed schedule is what I gave my mom so she could take over with all of Naomi’s activities since I could no longer take here or pick her up. It was crazy! Thankful for my mom’s ability to fill in.

Our cerclage surgery follow up apt went great! Daddy was unable to take me as he had to work later, so we had a scary ride with mom driving us. She’s not used to van or the LA traffic!

Thankfully though the check-up on me and baby Jax went well. We saw his face a little clearer and watched him move his arm around. With another appointment behind us, I feel more hopeful that our little boy is going to be ok.

I finished crocheting his rainbow trapper beanie and a few things for the sprinkle.

Also printed out the pics of the pregnancy so far to hang on an old vintage looking door we got on FB to display at the shower. Tami also offered to give us her baby carseat and Mamaroo to use, which will save us more money on big item purchases. I feel so thankful and blessed knowing everyone loves Jax as much as us. Another week closer! 🙏🏼

As If PAL Isn’t Scary Enough! Finding Out I Have “Incompetent Cervix” & Having An Emergency Cerclage (PAL Journal: 20 Weeks)


Woke up laying on my right side and panicked that I could be cutting off blood flow to Jax. Tried to move him around to feel his reassuring movements for a bit but I know he’s small and could be resting. Little panicked I decided to write back to my pen pal Kelly and then lay on my back again until Jax started to thump away! Oh those first few kicks were so beautiful to feel! Thankful my little boy is okay and reassuring mommy that he’s fine. I’m sure he wants me to turn to my left side and get some sleep, which I will as soon as I pee. 🙂

Note to pregnant mommas: Stillbirth prevention research suggests that side sleep is the best way to increase blood flow to your baby at night. It doesn’t have to be your left side, though that has usually been advised. If you accidentally wake up on your back, just readjust like I did! The way you fall asleep is normally how you likely slept the longest.


Today’s ultrasound went well up until the point the doctor asked me to go pee as my bladder wasn’t full enough so he wanted to do an internal ultrasound to measure my cervix. My OB is always so serious and quiet when he’s doing them, so I am shaking like a leaf the entire time worried I’m about to get more bad news. Unfortunately, there was an issue, though luckily it isn’t that Jax has a problem. My cervix was short (2.2-2.4) so we have to have a cerclage surgery Saturday morning to keep Jax in longer. He needs more time and we don’t know how quickly my cervix will keep shortening. A lot to process in a night, but tomorrow I’ll do more research on all this. Never thought this could happen with it not being something I have any prior risk factors for, but I did always have a fear of the baby just coming out for some reason. I’m thankful we found this early enough to do something to help him stay inside and praying it will all go well.


We are at the hospital now waiting to do the cerclage which we hope will help keep you inside my womb until full term. We love you so much Jax and hope to be your parents on earth. Please stay strong and stay with us.

I’m getting ready to rest a bit in my recovery room. Just been very sore and tired since the surgery, but thankful it went well. I prayed during the entire procedure which felt like it took an hour, but was really only 15 mins. I felt God’s presence and protection over us and Doctor Tabish, the nurses and anesthesiologist couldn’t have been better or kinder. Still feeling Jax kicking so he’s reminding me that he’s ok too. So relieved to be done with the cerclage surgery! God’s hands were at work on me and I am thankful Jackson is safe within my womb. Turns out my cervix was only 2 cm long today and I was dilated 1 cm, so I’m extremely grateful this was caught when it was. Thankful for another day with our baby boy and that we will hopefully get to full term and deliver our son in perfect health.

Josh and I have grown even closer together and all the support, love and prayers we received from our family and friends is so humbling and makes my heart overflow with gratitude. Naomi had a wonderful day too spent with my parents and her cousin, Hali, at her house, then dinner and ice-cream and a slumber party at our place with Hali. Thankful she was having so much fun and hopefully was not worried about her mommy. God has once again shown us his love and grace today. Thank you Jesus for all your blessings.


I wrote these declarations of life and hope to read to myself over and over until it either becomes true or I can at least be calmer. I’m determined to speak as though we are guaranteed all these things because I’m hoping that will make them come true! (Thanks to Oprah for sharing the idea of the law of attraction, which I have always tried to use.) Even if it just helps to lower my stress a bit, it’s what I’ll do and hopefully it will make Jackson feel all my positive vibes and keep him wanting to stay with us. Who knows how these things work right?

I declare:

I am not leaking amniotic fluid

I do not have a puncture, rupture or leak of Jax’s sac

I have normal discharge from the surgery, the surgery has gone perfectly and I will recover well and keep Jackson safe within my womb

I will carry my baby to full term (37 weeks or more)

I will be strong and not let my faith be shaken

I will enjoy this pregnancy and be grateful for each day

I will be healthy and in the good hands of my medical team, who’s actions are guided by the Lord

I will not worry, doubt or let fear make me question the promise God has placed in my heart to have our son Jackson born healthy and full term.

I will baptize my son Jackson in front of family and the church when he’s born

I will raise my son and watch him grow to fulfill God’s will for his life

I will treasure every day of our lives

I will praise and worship God with all my soul

I will testify to all of His goodness

I will help comfort the broken hearted and afraid families struggling with loss or infertility

I will enjoy a healthy and full life along with all my children and my husband

Thank you Lord Jesus for all your blessings and for the peace you offer even in times of struggle.


Taking the Leap of Faith; Cutting Off Baby Clothes Tags! (PAL Diary Entry: 28 Weeks)


So today I decided to take all the tags off your new clothes to wash them next week when my mom is here. She’s going to bring some hand me downs from your cousin Leandro so I’ll wash everything all at once. I filled a whole basket with your new clothes. I was surprised how much you have. A lot of it I bought early on when I was excited about being pregnant but worried because it was too soon to feel movements. So I shopped whenever I was starting to worry to try to bond with you and collected a lot of cute onesies I found on sale. It felt like a big step to cut the tags. But I feel it’s the right time and I want to get prepared for when you are here. I have anxiety that it could be sooner than full term because we lost your brother at 32 weeks. But today we did another NST and you were very active and your heartbeat was strong and normal so we only had to stay 30 minutes. The nurse said you were doing everything she wants a baby to do. So I do feel a little more reassured tonight as you wiggle in my tummy before bed. Love you so much, even when you’re making it hard to sleep. Your family is so excited to meet you. Naomi can’t wait to hold you and help me push you along in the stroller! She’s going to be a great big sister!

Unless you’re a loss parent, you may not be able to understand the significance of this moment. It means finally letting your guard down a little and allowing yourself to believe your baby may actually make it home to be able to wear these new clothes one day. You’re basically taking a risk cutting those tags and telling yourself you won’t have to return them.
Naomi having snacks while she waits for mommy’s NST to be over. She went to most of our appointments and was such a good, patient girl, as long as she had something to eat! Though NST’s made me nervous, they also gave us some reassurance that for at least that moment our son was still ok.
This was the most heightened time for our anxiety as we approached 32 weeks (the gestation we lost our son Owen)


Took a trip to Target to get Jackson’s rainbow shirt and a few other missing baby essentials. Glad they have electric carts here, so I wasn’t breaking my bedrest too much. Exciting to feel a little more prepared for my boy to hopefully come home this time.

If you were PAL in 2017, you most likely ran to Target to get this rainbow onesie! It was the most shared find on IG, we all had to have it! Even though I was on bedrest, I had permission to take short trips when necessary & this for me was a must for my boy.
My sweet girl in her big sister shirt proudly holding her second little brother’s matching outfit.
Some of the items I bought at Target for our rainbow. This was so different than Owen’s pregnancy when I didn’t buy him much because I felt he could just use Naomi’s gender neutral hand me downs. I wanted it to feel real that Jax would get to come home, even if it was a risk to buy him more clothes of his own.
This is bedrest at home. Tray full of snacks, so I could watch a movie with my girl and not get up at all. Not the way most imagine spending their pregnancy, but the 17 weeks of bedrest, though quite trying, were worth our little boy’s safe arrival.


Just lounging in my bathing suit to cool off after working in the garage this morning to sort out the baby things we had from when Naomi was a baby. It was so hot, my face was red so I’m drinking water and relaxing on the couch for a bit while daddy finishes up organizing the bins in the garage. We have so much baby stuff! Now we have to wash everything when my mom gets here and figure out where to put everything inside. Feeling good about getting ready for you baby. You just kicked as I took this pic! Love you Jax!

The most action my bathing suit got all summer, since I couldn’t swim!
Felt stretched to my limit, but there’s still some growing for us to do. Amazing what our bodies are capable of!
Found one of the few onesies that we had bought for Owen (he is buried in the other onesie from this set in fact.) Will be an extremely emotional day when we see Jax in it.