As If PAL Isn’t Scary Enough! Finding Out I Have “Incompetent Cervix” & Having An Emergency Cerclage (PAL Journal: 20 Weeks)

5/16/17

Woke up laying on my right side and panicked that I could be cutting off blood flow to Jax. Tried to move him around to feel his reassuring movements for a bit but I know he’s small and could be resting. Little panicked I decided to write back to my pen pal Kelly and then lay on my back again until Jax started to thump away! Oh those first few kicks were so beautiful to feel! Thankful my little boy is okay and reassuring mommy that he’s fine. I’m sure he wants me to turn to my left side and get some sleep, which I will as soon as I pee. 🙂

Note to pregnant mommas: Stillbirth prevention research suggests that side sleep is the best way to increase blood flow to your baby at night. It doesn’t have to be your left side, though that has usually been advised. If you accidentally wake up on your back, just readjust like I did! The way you fall asleep is normally how you likely slept the longest.

5/17/17

Today’s ultrasound went well up until the point the doctor asked me to go pee as my bladder wasn’t full enough so he wanted to do an internal ultrasound to measure my cervix. My OB is always so serious and quiet when he’s doing them, so I am shaking like a leaf the entire time worried I’m about to get more bad news. Unfortunately, there was an issue, though luckily it isn’t that Jax has a problem. My cervix was short (2.2-2.4) so we have to have a cerclage surgery Saturday morning to keep Jax in longer. He needs more time and we don’t know how quickly my cervix will keep shortening. A lot to process in a night, but tomorrow I’ll do more research on all this. Never thought this could happen with it not being something I have any prior risk factors for, but I did always have a fear of the baby just coming out for some reason. I’m thankful we found this early enough to do something to help him stay inside and praying it will all go well.

5/20/17

We are at the hospital now waiting to do the cerclage which we hope will help keep you inside my womb until full term. We love you so much Jax and hope to be your parents on earth. Please stay strong and stay with us.

I’m getting ready to rest a bit in my recovery room. Just been very sore and tired since the surgery, but thankful it went well. I prayed during the entire procedure which felt like it took an hour, but was really only 15 mins. I felt God’s presence and protection over us and Doctor Tabish, the nurses and anesthesiologist couldn’t have been better or kinder. Still feeling Jax kicking so he’s reminding me that he’s ok too. So relieved to be done with the cerclage surgery! God’s hands were at work on me and I am thankful Jackson is safe within my womb. Turns out my cervix was only 2 cm long today and I was dilated 1 cm, so I’m extremely grateful this was caught when it was. Thankful for another day with our baby boy and that we will hopefully get to full term and deliver our son in perfect health.

Josh and I have grown even closer together and all the support, love and prayers we received from our family and friends is so humbling and makes my heart overflow with gratitude. Naomi had a wonderful day too spent with my parents and her cousin, Hali, at her house, then dinner and ice-cream and a slumber party at our place with Hali. Thankful she was having so much fun and hopefully was not worried about her mommy. God has once again shown us his love and grace today. Thank you Jesus for all your blessings.

5/21/17

I wrote these declarations of life and hope to read to myself over and over until it either becomes true or I can at least be calmer. I’m determined to speak as though we are guaranteed all these things because I’m hoping that will make them come true! (Thanks to Oprah for sharing the idea of the law of attraction, which I have always tried to use.) Even if it just helps to lower my stress a bit, it’s what I’ll do and hopefully it will make Jackson feel all my positive vibes and keep him wanting to stay with us. Who knows how these things work right?

I declare:

I am not leaking amniotic fluid

I do not have a puncture, rupture or leak of Jax’s sac

I have normal discharge from the surgery, the surgery has gone perfectly and I will recover well and keep Jackson safe within my womb

I will carry my baby to full term (37 weeks or more)

I will be strong and not let my faith be shaken

I will enjoy this pregnancy and be grateful for each day

I will be healthy and in the good hands of my medical team, who’s actions are guided by the Lord

I will not worry, doubt or let fear make me question the promise God has placed in my heart to have our son Jackson born healthy and full term.

I will baptize my son Jackson in front of family and the church when he’s born

I will raise my son and watch him grow to fulfill God’s will for his life

I will treasure every day of our lives