Counting Kicks Already! Although It’s Still Early to Notice a Pattern (PAL Journal: 18 Weeks)


We took a trip up North to visit my side of the family in San Jose. This was good because the business of all the kids together is a distraction from my worries. Though, as anyone who’s been pregnant after loss can probably relate, it still was in the forefront of my mind no matter how hard I tried to be in the moment. Taking it one day at a time, is my best advice.

Comparing bellies with the goat at the Emma Prusch park in San Jose.


End of the 18th week! Felt like a long one, mainly because I’m having to wait an extra week to see Jax since my doctor is on vacation. I’ve had several waves of anxiety the last couple days that have been hard to shake and lots of tearful moments too, still coping with my grief. A high has been feeling Jax move more and more. I even have been counting some of his kicks, though I know it’s too early to note a consistent pattern. We are still listening to his song, “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” just about every day and though I haven’t had much time for naps this week I am trying to keep taking it easy.

Josh has been so sweet doing grocery shopping for me and doing more in general so I can get a little extra rest. He talks to Jax more often now too and kisses my belly. (This is a big deal for a dad after loss. His anxiety and worry over something happening again has made it harder for him to open up his heart and bond with our babies in pregnancy.) Naomi is getting excited as well, mentioning baby brother all the time.

Our dentist office ladies found out from Josh and they’re all so happy for us knowing what we’ve been through to have another baby. Will be an amazing day to finally see our baby, and fun to bring him by to meet everyone! (Fingers & toes crossed! I know there’s no guarantee, but trying to be positive.)